Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
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While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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