I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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