I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize