i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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