i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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