Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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