He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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