Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize