So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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