I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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