My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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