I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize