I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
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We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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