you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
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Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize