i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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