tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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