I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she peed on how many people?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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