Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize