dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
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everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
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Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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