drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
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for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
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He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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