I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
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Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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