Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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