don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Who died my cat blue again?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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