No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
