i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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