Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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