My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize