kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
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I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
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its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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