Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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