My nipple is on Facebook.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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