i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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