please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize