i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize