hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
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dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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