we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
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ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The adults are the big ones right?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize