Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
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For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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