I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize