We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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