Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
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I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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