My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do herpes really smell.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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