we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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