he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize