The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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