I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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