how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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