I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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