Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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