I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize