and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
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your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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