i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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